Brian and I just returned from our annual “getaway vacation”. Last year we made a trek out to Indianapolis to watch the opening game of the Celtics vs. the Pacers whereas this year we stayed a few days longer and caught two Pacers games.
Brian and I have been talking a lot recently about how human beings innately find an antagonist in life. Our discussion started when we watched “The Singing Revolution” which was about the revolution of a former Soviet bloc country that led to the downfall of the Soviet Union. One man mentioned in the documentary that while they were still part of the U.S.S.R. the arts of his country were much richer because they all had a common enemy and oppressor to fight against. He said that since the downfall of the regime his people had been struggling to find a purpose, a common something to fight against, and thus had turned to crime and drugs and materialism. The people had finally lost their common oppressor they had worked so hard to rid themselves of, so they created their own self-oppressors.
The film led to a long ongoing discussion between Brian and I about our innate need to fight against someone or something. We call the other force (our oppressor, or, antagonist if you will) evil, vilify it, and spend our time and efforts struggling against it, oftentimes irrationally and without affording the opposite side the decency of any grace. This struggle was poignantly exampled this week in Indy.
We sat in these wonderful seats behind the Pacers’ bench on Wednesday in front of two children around the age of 10 and one of the boy’s fathers. The entire time, the kids and father threw loud and inappropriate insult after insult at the referees and opposing Knicks. For those of you that don’t follow the NBA as closely as Brian does, let me tell you a little sidebar story. Eddy Curry who plays for the New York Knicks, has had a rough go of it these last few years. Some of the problems have been his fault while others have not. He has struggled with many personal issues (a failed marriage, allegations and lawsuits, a court-ordered paternity test, a home foreclosure) in addition to weight gain, which is probably directly related to his personal devastations. In January of this year, while the man was still in crisis, it was discovered that his ex girlfriend along with his 9-month old daughter were found shot and murdered by her abusive boyfriend and that his 3-year-old son had witnessed the whole thing. He gained even more weight, making Eddy the unplayable player even more unplayable. Long story short, even in the midst of these trials going on around him this summer he stepped up his game and started working with a trainer and fitness coach to bring his weight back down to try and salvage a career he has been on the precipice of losing. He's lost a significant amount of weight and has been working hard to get back into the game. This Wednesday was the first game he’s played in over a year and he did well. He hustled and kept his head in the game. Yes, he is still a little heavier than he should be and perhaps a bit slower, but still, he was a man who has clearly stepped up to the plate, taken responsibility for his pitfalls and decided to do something about his failures and make a comeback. That’s an inspirational story for anyone. He is not a perfect role model yet, but he’s working to dig himself out of his mess, which is more than many of us can say and that deserves our respect. End sidebar—back to the game. So the father and children are behind us and decide to start screaming, “Want a doughnut, Eddy?” and other weight-related insults every time Eddy is up to make a freethrow. From overhearing their short conversations between one another, they knew Eddy’s struggles and what he’d been through, but they didn’t care anyway. Low blows were more important than treating a man with decency. Our seats were close enough and they were loud enough that their words would be piercingly clear to Eddy on the court who missed every one of those freethrows, if I remember correctly. Yet another constant reminder of his failure came to him the first time he was back, and even worse the reminders came from the mouths of innocent babes whose fathers have taught them the legacy of insult. Great job, Dad.
In real life, few of us are insensitive and rude enough to make comments like this to someone who has already come so far and come out of so much difficulty. How many of us would walk up to someone who has lost nearly 100 lbs. and tell them that they should just give up because they'll always be fat? I think we would find this absolutely appalling. Yet, because it’s in sports, it seems completely appropriate to the opposing fans in the heat of the moment. Why? I think that it all comes back to the need for an antagonist. It’s okay if we dog on a villain, right?
How often do we do this in our lives? We lose all rational thoughts. We vilify someone or something or a cause and refuse to look at those human beings as worthy of respect. Brian has recently joined our interactive theatre troupe where he plays, for lack of a better description, the villain in the sketch. Normally people jump in to the sketch (as we invite them to do to help solve the scenario) and continue to vilify the villain and lecture him and try all sorts of insults to whip him into obedience and respect but it never works. What does work, you ask? When someone finally stops, realizes that this villain is a person with reason and ration behind his thought framework, identifies with his hurts, and treats him as a human being. Only then does the villain begin to open up, to drop his defenses, and to begin to listen. Respect and empathy are always the catalysts. Hate breeds more hate. Bitterness breeds more bitterness. Anger breeds more anger.
In this Thanksgiving season, let’s think of one person or people group that we have vilified--either rationally or irrationally. Politics are an easy subject in which most of us have difficulty in seeing the other side, myself included. To my conservative brothers and sisters, let's work to see our President for his character, rather than political beliefs, as an intelligent, humble, compassionate man who, during his campaign, gave constant reminders to his campaign staff to save the shampoo & soaps at each hotel stay so that they could donate them to the local homeless shelters. To my liberal brothers and sisters, realize that conservatives reach out, too. I accidentally caught the 700 Club this week which focused a long segment of their show on the Poverty & Justice Bible from the American Bible Society that highlights every place God talks about his heart for the impoverished and needy in Scripture—which happens to be almost 10% of the entire Bible—and then challenged their conservative Christian brothers and sisters to put their money where their mouth was because it was God’s priority. Both sides want freedom and compassion and an end to poverty but they just have different ideas of how to reach that end.
Brian and I have been talking a lot recently about how human beings innately find an antagonist in life. Our discussion started when we watched “The Singing Revolution” which was about the revolution of a former Soviet bloc country that led to the downfall of the Soviet Union. One man mentioned in the documentary that while they were still part of the U.S.S.R. the arts of his country were much richer because they all had a common enemy and oppressor to fight against. He said that since the downfall of the regime his people had been struggling to find a purpose, a common something to fight against, and thus had turned to crime and drugs and materialism. The people had finally lost their common oppressor they had worked so hard to rid themselves of, so they created their own self-oppressors.
The film led to a long ongoing discussion between Brian and I about our innate need to fight against someone or something. We call the other force (our oppressor, or, antagonist if you will) evil, vilify it, and spend our time and efforts struggling against it, oftentimes irrationally and without affording the opposite side the decency of any grace. This struggle was poignantly exampled this week in Indy.
We sat in these wonderful seats behind the Pacers’ bench on Wednesday in front of two children around the age of 10 and one of the boy’s fathers. The entire time, the kids and father threw loud and inappropriate insult after insult at the referees and opposing Knicks. For those of you that don’t follow the NBA as closely as Brian does, let me tell you a little sidebar story. Eddy Curry who plays for the New York Knicks, has had a rough go of it these last few years. Some of the problems have been his fault while others have not. He has struggled with many personal issues (a failed marriage, allegations and lawsuits, a court-ordered paternity test, a home foreclosure) in addition to weight gain, which is probably directly related to his personal devastations. In January of this year, while the man was still in crisis, it was discovered that his ex girlfriend along with his 9-month old daughter were found shot and murdered by her abusive boyfriend and that his 3-year-old son had witnessed the whole thing. He gained even more weight, making Eddy the unplayable player even more unplayable. Long story short, even in the midst of these trials going on around him this summer he stepped up his game and started working with a trainer and fitness coach to bring his weight back down to try and salvage a career he has been on the precipice of losing. He's lost a significant amount of weight and has been working hard to get back into the game. This Wednesday was the first game he’s played in over a year and he did well. He hustled and kept his head in the game. Yes, he is still a little heavier than he should be and perhaps a bit slower, but still, he was a man who has clearly stepped up to the plate, taken responsibility for his pitfalls and decided to do something about his failures and make a comeback. That’s an inspirational story for anyone. He is not a perfect role model yet, but he’s working to dig himself out of his mess, which is more than many of us can say and that deserves our respect. End sidebar—back to the game. So the father and children are behind us and decide to start screaming, “Want a doughnut, Eddy?” and other weight-related insults every time Eddy is up to make a freethrow. From overhearing their short conversations between one another, they knew Eddy’s struggles and what he’d been through, but they didn’t care anyway. Low blows were more important than treating a man with decency. Our seats were close enough and they were loud enough that their words would be piercingly clear to Eddy on the court who missed every one of those freethrows, if I remember correctly. Yet another constant reminder of his failure came to him the first time he was back, and even worse the reminders came from the mouths of innocent babes whose fathers have taught them the legacy of insult. Great job, Dad.
In real life, few of us are insensitive and rude enough to make comments like this to someone who has already come so far and come out of so much difficulty. How many of us would walk up to someone who has lost nearly 100 lbs. and tell them that they should just give up because they'll always be fat? I think we would find this absolutely appalling. Yet, because it’s in sports, it seems completely appropriate to the opposing fans in the heat of the moment. Why? I think that it all comes back to the need for an antagonist. It’s okay if we dog on a villain, right?
How often do we do this in our lives? We lose all rational thoughts. We vilify someone or something or a cause and refuse to look at those human beings as worthy of respect. Brian has recently joined our interactive theatre troupe where he plays, for lack of a better description, the villain in the sketch. Normally people jump in to the sketch (as we invite them to do to help solve the scenario) and continue to vilify the villain and lecture him and try all sorts of insults to whip him into obedience and respect but it never works. What does work, you ask? When someone finally stops, realizes that this villain is a person with reason and ration behind his thought framework, identifies with his hurts, and treats him as a human being. Only then does the villain begin to open up, to drop his defenses, and to begin to listen. Respect and empathy are always the catalysts. Hate breeds more hate. Bitterness breeds more bitterness. Anger breeds more anger.
In this Thanksgiving season, let’s think of one person or people group that we have vilified--either rationally or irrationally. Politics are an easy subject in which most of us have difficulty in seeing the other side, myself included. To my conservative brothers and sisters, let's work to see our President for his character, rather than political beliefs, as an intelligent, humble, compassionate man who, during his campaign, gave constant reminders to his campaign staff to save the shampoo & soaps at each hotel stay so that they could donate them to the local homeless shelters. To my liberal brothers and sisters, realize that conservatives reach out, too. I accidentally caught the 700 Club this week which focused a long segment of their show on the Poverty & Justice Bible from the American Bible Society that highlights every place God talks about his heart for the impoverished and needy in Scripture—which happens to be almost 10% of the entire Bible—and then challenged their conservative Christian brothers and sisters to put their money where their mouth was because it was God’s priority. Both sides want freedom and compassion and an end to poverty but they just have different ideas of how to reach that end.
So, for Thanksgiving, let’s stop spouting words of venom and start bubbling words of kindness and compassion and understanding. Think of that person or group that you just cannot stand. Got them in your head? Write down all of their wonderful attributes that you have had difficulty acknowledging because you’ve been focusing so much on the things you hate about them. After you’ve done that, I would suggest possibly contacting them. You may need to be the one to apologize, even if you are the wronged. Bitterness can destroy us and it can rob us of many rich relationships we might have otherwise had. I have written more than one of these letters in my day and I’m thankful to report that, as hard as it was to contact these persons who I felt wronged me, we have fully reconciled and great friendships were birthed. It never would have happened had I held onto all of that pain and hurt and never went before them in humility.
We all need an antagonist, it seems to be ingrained in our very being so let’s be the bigger man and choose a new antagonist. Rather than hating KU or our spouse or Obama or James Dobson or Canon cameras or our boss or drinking or Christians or a family member or an ex significant other, let’s explore our common ground with one another in love. Let us call our new antagonist the hatred and division and injustice in the world that separates mankind. If we have something to fight against, to rail against, to bring out our passion, we feel alive. So let’s choose division to fight against. Let’s choose hatred. Let’s choose bitterness in ourselves and the wounds that comes from it. To borrow Shakespeare, I bet our enemies, like us, also bleed.
What do you say? Let’s start making the world a better place. You may just find yourself acknowledging when KU made a good play rather than screaming insults at them. = )
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2 comments:
Great post, Mallory! I always love reading your stuff, almost as much as your pretty pictures :)
I will make an effort to acknowledge the good, and overlook the bad.
I needed to hear this.
Fabulous post and articulate, much-needed words of wisdom, Mallory. Thanks for bringing it up and sharing it. (And, as always, thanks for sharing your fabulous, amazing, spectacular photos - I'm always excited when you post something.)
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